Today’s post is a bit long but it’s an important subject for anyone who is in a leadership position and/or writing, publishing, or communicating in any way.

The subject is feedback.

Many of us have a bit of a love-hate relationship with feedback. We want to improve, and we want to know how we’re doing… but we don’t necessarily feel equipped to respond to and deal with the feedback when it comes.

(Case in point: One of the #1 reasons I recommend publishing your work in some way is to get feedback on your writing and ideas from your community. Yet one of the #1 reasons people tell me they don’t want to publish is that they are afraid of getting critical feedback. This is the exact kind of push-pull I’m talking about.)

I believe that knowing how to properly ask for, receive, and apply (or disregard) feedback is a skill. This goes for any type of feedback by the way: feedback on your writing/work, AND feedback/input from your employees, team members, stakeholders, customers, etc.

Some resistance to feedback is normal. And, as much as feedback is useful, sometimes it’s better NOT to ask for feedback at all. (I’ll explain why in a second.)

Before I jump into it though, just a heads up that there’s a new episode on the podcast. This week, I’m trying something new: it’s called Coaching with Cam. It’s my first of a new episode format where there’s no guest, just me laying down some storytelling knowledge. In this episode I share three common writing mistakes and how to correct them. Check it out at all the usual spots: my website, Apple, Google, Spotify, or Amazon.

BTW when I recorded this episode I almost trashed it because I thought, “ah, no one wants to listen to me talk for 20 minutes”. 🥱But I genuinely believe the material may be helpful because SO MANY people make these mistakes yet they’re rarely talked about!

So, have a listen and… dare I ask for it… give me some feedback. Comment here and let me know if you like the format, if you’d like to see more of these types of episodes, and if there is a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future episode. I can’t promise that I will be able to fulfill every topic that is requested, but at the very least I promise I will respond to your email and take to heart what you have to say.

With that, let’s get into today’s post.

🍎No More Apples In the Vending Machine Please!!🍎

In an early episode of The Simpsons, Homer becomes momentarily enraged by the presence of apples (rather than other snacks) in the company vending machine.

“That’s it!” He exclaims. “I’m really gonna let ‘em have it this time.”

He marches over to the suggestion box on Mr. Burns’ door, and hastily scratches out a note:

GIF CAPTION Homer’s note reads: No more apples in the vending machine please!!

Poor Homer quickly realizes that the suggestion box is there purely for show. Instead of considering his request, Mr. Burns mocks Homer by saying, “don’t worry, there will be plenty of apples in the vending machine for you. No one will take away your precious apples.”

The feedback, though invited, wasn’t actually wanted.

🫣There is a difference between inviting feedback and being prepared to use it.

You don’t have to be Monty Burns to make a mistake when it comes to receiving and responding to feedback. It can happen to the most well-intentioned of us.

Years ago I worked at a public relations agency that was suffering from poor company culture and employee turnover. The new company Vice President made a sincere effort to turn things around, and in the spirit of open communication, put out a general call to employees for feedback.

As you can imagine, employees were all too happy to share their thoughts on what should be done differently or better. We approached the invitation with the gusto of Homer Simpson approaching a donut.

What happened next surprised me. (Though it wouldn’t anymore.)

The short version is this: Inevitably, the company leadership didn’t get back to us. Most suggestions were left ignored. And all the staff who shared their feedback became even MORE annoyed.

The common interpretation was this: “They asked for my feedback, I gave it to them, and they did nothing. This place is never going to change.”

Such reactions weren’t entirely logical. Of course not every person’s suggestion is going to be helpful, useful, or realistic. But to the person giving the feedback, none of that matters.

This experience inspired me to further explore internal communications and the art of giving and receiving feedback, and I’ve since learned a few things. Here are a few of them.

#1. Don’t ask for feedback if you don’t really want it.

This goes for both internal communications (seeking input from staff, colleagues, etc), corporate communications (seeking input from stakeholders, clients, etc.) as well your own writing.

If you ask for feedback, be prepared to give it the attention and reflection it deserves.

Recognize that it might sting at first to receive critical feedback. Give yourself some time before responding so you can reflect on and properly assimilate what the person has to say.

But if you aren’t really ready to receive the feedback, don’t ask for it.

#2. If you are asking for feedback, clearly communicate your expectations.

Rather than generally asking for feedback, clearly express:

▶️What type of feedback you are looking for. For example, if you’re asking for feedback on your writing, tell people what you want to know. Do you want them to comment on the content and ideas, or on the general readability and clarity? Or do you want them to provide you with a copy edit and make note of misplaced commas or spelling mistakes?

▶️Why you want the feedback and what you are trying to achieve. Share a bit about the outcomes you want, and people will be better positioned to offer sincere, useful feedback. For example, you might say “My goal is to become a better writer, so please be honest. Feel free to comment on any sentences, paragraphs, or ideas that don’t make sense to you or that you find awkward or confusing.”

▶️How and when they can provide the feedback. Do you want them to book a meeting with you, share their feedback over email, edit a document, fill out a survey, ask questions during your presentation? Be specific and offer a clear mechanism for them to respond. Include deadlines, too! It’s not useful to receive feedback after a decision has been made or a book has gone to print.

▶️What you will do with the feedback. This is an important element that leaders often miss. Giving someone feedback feels vulnerable, especially if there is a power dynamic in play. (i.e. an employee sharing feedback with their supervisor.) Will you follow up with them? If so, how and when? Be clear about what exactly they can expect from you.

#3. Respond to the feedback and close the loop.

Have you ever given someone feedback and then heard nothing back? It’s a weird feeling. You’re likely to assume the worst: that they didn’t like the feedback, were maybe even offended by it, or they dismissed it. This is what breeds confusion, anger, and resentment.

So, whenever you receive feedback, tell the person first and foremost, thank you.

Even if you don’t like the feedback, recognize that they took the time to try to make you better in some way. That’s a generous act. Thank them for it.

Then, tell what you will do with the feedback, if anything. If it’s not something you can act on right now, explain why. If it is something you’ll act on, let them know how it might be implemented and when. If you don’t know, be honest. Set expectations. The important point here is to close the loop so the feedback-giver isn’t left hanging.

(Note: this is for solicited feedback. Unsolicited feedback is another story, for another day.)

#4 Practice getting better at applying feedback.

The truth is, some feedback will be incredibly useful and can truly make you a better leader, a better writer, and maybe even a better person. Some of the best feedback I ever received was critical yet caring, and helped shape me into the person and writer I am today.

Some feedback, however, won’t be applicable to you for whatever reason. Just because feedback is given doesn’t mean you have it take it.

One example: if you’re just starting out on a project, highly detailed, challenging feedback might not be all that useful. I explore more in this blog post here: www.camilledeputter.com/blog/first10

Another example: We all have limited time and resources. Sometimes, people will give you ideas about how you *could* improve something. But just because it could be improved doesn’t mean it has to be, right this second. If you are trying to get to the finish line on a project, don’t use feedback as a reason to delay your deadlines or avoid the vulnerable act of shipping your work. Be thoughtful, and do the best you can with what you’ve got.

Oftentimes, the feedback itself might not be wholly useful yet there might be a kernel of wisdom to be applied.

I’m fond of the adage, “take what you like and leave the rest.” Aim to uncover what might help you actually get better, and let go of the other stuff.

With that, I hope you found something useful in this post. For more guidance on how to make your writing and communications more effective, check out my latest Coaching with Cam episode on the Storytelling with Heart podcast. (Available on Apple, Spotify, Google, and Amazon.)

In this mini, solo episode, I talk through three three common writing errors that can mess up your ability to get your message across – and how to avoid them.

Have a listen, and let me know what you think. Should I create more episodes like this, or stick to interviews?

I promise to consider and respond to your feedback. ;)

How to ask for feedback