I recently told a friend: my relationships are my WHY. They are the real reason I do what I do.

It’s fun and rewarding to work on exciting projects like books, certifications, speeches, and other thought leadership projects. But if I’m totally honest, it’s the experience of getting to work closely with another person (or people) that I appreciate the most.

There’s something magical that happens when you get to know someone at a deeper level, when you hear their stories (including things they’re reluctant to share), and develop mutual trust.

I’m sure it’s not just me. Connection is SO important for all of us. And yet I think many of us struggle to forge meaningful connections—with the people we work with, with the audiences we want to grow, with the friends we’ve yet to make.

Personally, one of my goals at the moment is to foster new connections. I’m realizing that the pandemic made my world feel smaller, and I want to change that. (My podcast is one way I’m working on that, as I loooove having good conversations with people.)

So, with that in mind, I have two things for you today.

▶️The first is my latest podcast episode, featuring Connection Coach Kat Vellos.

▶️The second thing is a few thoughts (plus a resource) on how to write authentically.

Here we go!

🎙️Kat Vellos: How to connect better with other people 📻

Kat Vellos is a connection coach who specializes in helping people cultivate meaningful friendships and colleagueships. She’s a renowned speaker, facilitator, and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. If there’s one person who knows the importance of connection (and the secret sauce behind meaningful connections), it’s Kat.

In our interview together, we cover all kinds of good stuff, including:

What healthy teams and “colleagueships” look like, and how to cultivate healthy relationships in the workplace.
Why bonds among people and healthy colleagueships are essential for teams and businesses to thrive.
Why it really is “lonely at the top”, why leaders often suffer loneliness in silence, and how to get support.

And so much more. Check it out on my website, Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google, and Amazon.

🤔 How to find your authentic voice 🫀

One of the questions Kat and I tackle in our podcast discussion is the notion of authenticity, and I wanted to expand on that theme here.

People have asked me about authenticity over the years, including things like:

→ How can I express myself authentically as a leader while retaining my professionalism?

→ How can I write “authentically” when I don’t really know what that is?

And,

→ How can I write authentically without having to reveal and rehash all my personal baggage?

These are all great questions, and more than I can do justice to in this article.

Kat and I tackle the first Q on the pod, so have a listen if you’re curious about that.

And, if you want to explore this subject in more detail, check out this article: How to find your authentic voice: 5 tips to discover your own unique writing style.

For now, I’ll share one piece of advice on the subject…

Don’t expect a single piece of communication to encompass EVERYTHING about you.

“Be authentic” is good advice in a way, but it’s not the most useful. Especially if it makes you feel stuck.

Here’s the thing: there is not one “authentic” you. Not one authentic voice. Not one authentic story. You are so much more than that.

We don’t just have one true story of our lives, we have many.

We don’t just have one truth, we have many contradictory truths, lies, and somewhere-in-betweens that make us who we are.

We don’t just have one self to be, we have identities that are unfolding, evolving and surprising us all the time.

So, trying to make a single speech, article, or email sound like the perfect, ultimate expression of yourself is probably unrealistic.

For example, let’s say you want to tell a story about why you do what you do.

Truthfully, there are probably many stories you could tell.

Many people choose a profession or a goal because of something they themselves have struggled with. (Kat, for example, explained to me that she became interested in friendship after moving to a new area as an adult and struggling to make friends.) It’s very possible that you have a story to tell about how you overcame a profoundly difficult challenge, which led you to where you are today. I bet that would make a great story. But it’s not the only story.

I’m guessing you could also come up with another story about your first time doing the thing you specialize in, and how it lifted you up and made you feel amazing.

You might also tell a story about a time someone helped you with that thing (like a teacher or a coach), and how their support inspired you to do the same for others.

Or you could tell a story about a lightbulb moment that happened when you realized you wanted to do the thing you’re doing now.

Do you get what I’m trying to say here? If you really dig into your personal history, you could probably find multiple experiences that brought you to where you are today.

<<Hint: If you want to tell a story about why you do what you do… use the above examples as prompts!>>

My point is this:

It’s not inauthentic to pick which stories to tell, and when. Some stories might be more appropriate for certain circumstances.

You don’t have to share ALL the details, nor do you have to share them all at once, in order to be authentic.

You get to choose!

You can adapt your stories and omit or include certain details, based on what you think will resonate most with the audience.

Keep your audience in mind, make sure it feels right to you, and tell the truth. That is authentic communication.

That’s it for today. Like I said, connection and relationships are everything to me. If you liked this article, have your own thoughts to share, or you have a question you’d like me to cover in a future issue, please comment and let me know.

I love hearing from you!

How To Create Better, Stronger Connections