I often tell people that a story doesn’t have to be dramatic or traumatic to be powerful.

But…sometimes it is.

And sometimes in our storytelling, we really want to “go there.”

What then?

Today I thought I’d offer a few tips for telling the more challenging stories and how to navigate them with both authenticity and effectiveness. Plus, I’ve got a podcast guest that will illuminate what this kind of storytelling can look like.

Tip #1 Process before publishing

Sharing stories with people we trust can be highly therapeutic. But public forums (including publishing) can be a bit different. Ideally, before you attempt to tell your story in a polished (and perhaps professional) way, you will want to be somewhat comfortable with the material.

This is not to say you can’t share where you’re at throughout the process—for example, sharing the ups and downs of a personal challenge on social media. (As today’s podcast guest did.)

And I’ll fully admit there are exceptions to this rule: Tig Notaro’s brilliant and game changing set, Live, being one example.

Still, for most people most of the time, it’s a good idea to wait until your stuff has settled before attempting to turn it into, say, a refined speech or published essay.

This is especially true if you want to use your experiences to help others. It can take time to see the big picture and really understand what can be learned or applied from your story — and to communicate it in a generous and thoughtful way that isn’t just about you releasing all your thoughts and feelings.

Plus, while some degree of emotion is typically useful, some degree of comfort with the material is also important. If you feel comfortable with the content (even if it’s challenging) your audience will more likely feel comfortable too.

Tip #2 Look after yourself

Years ago, when I developed my heart speech, I thought I had fully processed the material. For some reason I didn’t anticipate that finally taking a story I’d kept secret my entire life would bring up some emotions!

What I’ve since learned is that even if you’ve taken time and done the work to process traumatic events, they can still bring up powerful feelings, and/or require emotional energy.

So, prepare for this. Ensure that when writing, reviewing, or delivering challenging material you have what you need to help yourself feel calm and safe. Plan some recovery activities for afterward, which may be as simple as having some down time to recuperate.

Tip #3 Don’t skip over the “messy middle”.

I’ve seen a number of people make this mistake: they share their lowest moment or “before”—and then jump straight to the “after”, or how much better things are today.

The ups and downs, the bits of progress, the work of growing and getting better…these are valuable storytelling elements that will help your audience come along the journey with you.

While you likely can’t share everything, try to include at least a few details that will help the audience understand how you got from “before” to “after”, and give them a feel for what this process looked like.

Tip #4 Pick and choose your details

There’s always a fine line when it comes to including details in your story. Not enough detail and the audience won’t really feel it, won’t really feel it.

Too many details and it will start to feel either like a boring monologue or an over-the-top trauma fest. Neither is ideal.

A simple rule of thumb: look for a pivotal moment, and dig into some of the details around that. If there was a wake-up call, a moment of realization, a key situation that changed everything, tell us about that. This is where you might include small details such as what the weather was like, what you were wearing, what you could see/hear/smell, exactly what you were thinking and so on.

That’s not to say you can’t include details elsewhere, or that you can have only one pivotal moment. But do try to avoid a string of “and then this happened and then this happened and then this happened.” Balance is the key. When in doubt, experiment. Try including more or less, and get some honest feedback on your work. Some beta readers or test listeners may help you figure out the most impactful bits to use, and which details are better left on the cutting room floor.

Tip #5 Let the audience take away their own lesson

It’s a good idea to know why you’re telling the story and what you hope people will get out of it. That will guide your storytelling.

But remember, you can’t force people to receive your message. In fact, it’s much better if you let them arrive at their own conclusion, in their own way. This is especially true when delivering personal stories (as opposed to say, corporate speeches.)

With this in mind, aim to tell a genuine story that other people can relate and react to. If you bring them into your world, you’ll give them an opportunity to go along the journey with you. They can then take away their own impression and experience from it.

Want more guidance and inspiration on how to tell your most difficult, personal, or painful story?

Check out today’s podcast episode, featuring Jennifer Broxterman

Jennifer Broxterman is a Registered Dietitian and founder of both NutritionRx (her private practice) and PROSPER Nutrition Coaching, a world-class nutrition certification for gym owners and coaches.

Here's the really mind-blowing part: Jen is also a stage 3 ovarian cancer survivor who was given less than an 8% chance of living to 5 years.

Five years later, Jen is healthy, thriving, and actively sharing her story. Her journey—spanning years of undiagnosed symptoms, a terrifying prognosis, a difficult surgery, and a remarkable recovery—is emotional, challenging, and ultimately inspiring.

This episode is a bit of a departure from my usual format; as you’ll hear, most of this episode is Jen telling her own story.

There’s lots to learn, simply by listening to Jen and hearing how she walks us through the chain of events that turned her life upside down. Her story is not only inspiring and powerful to listen to, it’s also a useful example of how to tell a personal story.

That said, we do dig into some details about the storytelling process including:

➡️ The importance of personally processing traumatic events before sharing your story publicly, and why this will make the whole storytelling process easier and less emotionally exhausting.

➡️ The mindset tools Jen used to not only make it through her most difficult moments but also to help her process and share them with others.

➡️ Why it’s worth considering the big idea you want to leave behind in the world.

➡️ The value of building your communications around the needs and interests of your audience. (Plus, a simple principle to ensure you’re communicating clearly and effectively for your audience.)

➡️ How to share the “messy guts” of your story while it’s still happening. (Here, Jen provides her thoughts on social media, why she chose to share the details of her journey publicly, and what happened as a result.)

➡️ And finally, how to use your story to help other people… and why podcasts might be a great place to start.

Listen in to the podcast on my website, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, and anywhere else you listen to podcasts.

Meanwhile, I'll be here, cheering you on. If you have a difficult story that you're currently working on, keep at it. I have no doubt that you can use it to do some real good in the world.

After all, isn't that what stories are for?

How to tell your most painful story